Well as a first post its definitely not going to be a good one. I usually don’t write to express myself but my wife does so I figured id give it a shot, not to mention we need something in common something we both can do and she likes writting and artsy stuff but im more autistic than artistic so ill jus do the writting maybe one day we can get in to photography since she likes that and I kind of do to but hmmm let’s see where to begin im kinda a shitty person so what I’ve noticed as I start writing I have to play some kind of music maybe I found an outlet or is this gonna be short lived like everythng else in my life friends family girlfriends and now possibly a wife I run everyone off and if I don’t somethng happens and there not around no more between being shot car accidents I really shouldn’t be here either as I think of it the one night all my best friends go out to a party and im suppose to go I had made plans prior by 20 mins shit jus makes me wonder how I keep dodging that’s jus one of the close one I missed and everyone that I seem to get close to shit happens to then I have learned to put up a wall and it feels like im on the other side I use to be able to take it down but not no more im on the other side stuck like the wall is sound proof all I wanna do is get out and come bak home I worked so hard at tryn to forget bad things in my life that I also can’t remember to many good one so yea ima piece of shit can’t control my emotions I want to be open or able to open out to my wife its more like I need somethng to influence me like alcohol or pills that was my biggest one when I wasn’t in the army pills brought me bak to life it jus feels like parrt of me has died with everyone I have got close to and died I don’t have to many pieces left and it scary I don’t know how to talk to anyone about my life including my wife I jus don’t understand why I have to be like this