As I sat in a lonely cell thinkn it would be better if I get out im out now on bail and sittin in a lonely home with noone to blame but my self I tried to protect you but it went to far now im lonely still and feel like I’ve cheated you I can’t get you out its gone to far I think its worst beinng out than in cuz atlease then their was some type of connection us being in the same place but not together that was more comforting than not being there at all I love you I tried to protect you but it went to far
I can be my own bestfriend and my worst enemy I’ve seen a lot of misery only cuz I let people get to me I stop people from gettn close to me cause im scared to let them hurt me and me hurt them but the ones that are close to be grateful I have made alot of dumb mistakes and I take people for granted like the love of my life I have a hard time expressing my self doing nice things I feel dumb about the nice things to do that I think of ill talk myself out of it I feel like its immature sometimes but its not I need to not give a fuck about things like that that might be what I need to do to become a better person im such a bad friend I’ve done so much shit I can drink party chill with people that consider me their friend and I consider them the same but I always have an eye on them and my guard up around anyone I don’t wanna hurt no more or hurt anyone people my wife should be my best friend and I should be hers but it seems like sometimes we are distant and sometimes we are bestfriends I wish I wasn’t like this she tries so hard and I want to give her everythng I can but she jus needs the most basic thing love and support but sometimes I don’t know how I can’t even love myslef or support my self sometimes so how am I suppose to do this
Sometimes I wanna cry and pray,
sometimes Sometimes I wanna chill and lay,
sometimes Sometimes I get drunk, all god damn day
Sometimes I wanna go, back around the way
Sometimes I wanna ride to smoke,
sometimes Sometimes I got money and I still feel broke
Well as a first post its definitely not going to be a good one. I usually don’t write to express myself but my wife does so I figured id give it a shot, not to mention we need something in common something we both can do and she likes writting and artsy stuff but im more autistic than artistic so ill jus do the writting maybe one day we can get in to photography since she likes that and I kind of do to but hmmm let’s see where to begin im kinda a shitty person so what I’ve noticed as I start writing I have to play some kind of music maybe I found an outlet or is this gonna be short lived like everythng else in my life friends family girlfriends and now possibly a wife I run everyone off and if I don’t somethng happens and there not around no more between being shot car accidents I really shouldn’t be here either as I think of it the one night all my best friends go out to a party and im suppose to go I had made plans prior by 20 mins shit jus makes me wonder how I keep dodging that’s jus one of the close one I missed and everyone that I seem to get close to shit happens to then I have learned to put up a wall and it feels like im on the other side I use to be able to take it down but not no more im on the other side stuck like the wall is sound proof all I wanna do is get out and come bak home I worked so hard at tryn to forget bad things in my life that I also can’t remember to many good one so yea ima piece of shit can’t control my emotions I want to be open or able to open out to my wife its more like I need somethng to influence me like alcohol or pills that was my biggest one when I wasn’t in the army pills brought me bak to life it jus feels like parrt of me has died with everyone I have got close to and died I don’t have to many pieces left and it scary I don’t know how to talk to anyone about my life including my wife I jus don’t understand why I have to be like this